Do You Watch Porn?

Of the most trafficked websites world wide, 2 porn sites are in the top 10 most visited sites. According to the SEMrush Traffic Analytics, porn sites received more traffic in 2020 than Twitter, Instagram, Netflix, Zoom, Pinterest and LinkedIn combined.

Is this surprising? There is more loneliness, a greater need for touch and connection than usual, as well as anxiety and depression and the desire to escape. Porn is easily accessible and gives instant gratification. It provides the escape, the distraction, arousal and with that there is the orgasm that gives instant relaxation, a mood booster and a rush of the endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin.

Like all things, moderation comes into play. From the many men I’ve spoken to about their use of porn, it became recognized as an addiction when it had a negative affect on their personal relationships and sexuality. Some use porn regularly as a tool to get off and have lost their natural sensitivity. They’ve retrained their bodies to be mechanical and are less responsive in intimate situations. One man lost his relationship entirely as she felt that his webcam interactions felt to her like he was cheating on her, and he was not able to let that go.

Do you think that porn is a true representation of sex? A recent study found that more than half of teen boys (53%) and over a third of teen girls (39%) reported believing that pornography was a realistic depiction of sex. Porn has long been used as a tool for education, as children are exposed to it from an increasingly younger age. 

What do you think, and how does pornography affect your feelings about intimacy and your own sexuality? 

I see the negative affects porn has had on women’s self esteem and their understanding on what they need to look like and how they should behave. I’ve met a lot of women with breast implants (a lot!) with and without success. I’ve had many women ask me about or tell me they are about to get their “lips” clipped. Women in porn have no labia and these lovely women with beautiful labia feel ashamed of their natural bodies. Many women fake orgasms as orgasm is expected by the lover as a sign of her pleasure. One third of women have orgasms regularly, another third do on the mysterious occasion and others never do; women don’t operate like clockwork as women do in porn. Comparison happens for me too yet less so. Men typically come with smaller packages than the men on porn (the average length for a man’s cock is about 7” long) but more important is how they relate to their sexual organs and their sexual goals. For men who want to have prolonged orgasms, multi-orgasms, last for-ever in the bedroom and be an exquisite lover, extensive porn use is detrimental.

On the other hand, porn is also a good way to find what you like and nurture a specific fetish or kink you may have and put into action when the opportunity and confidence is there. Most politicians use it right before they get on stage, to take the edge off and take advantage of the afterglow.

What role does porn play in your life? It is worth reflecting upon. Has your time with it expanded since the pandemic? Was it the first thing you saw that portrayed sex growing up? Is it what you use to arouse yourself when you self pleasure? Do you use it to explore what’s out there, along with your fantasies and fetishes? Does it teach you about what people do and how to do it? Most importantly, how has it and does it affect your sex life, your love life, the sensual and sexual intimacy in your life? Is the fantasy on the screen therapeutic or an escape?

The photo credit goes to Ricardo Scipio, a friend of mine who is working on a project called “Sex not Porn,” representing real people having sex. They are all sizes and ages, all races and levels of beauty. His photos show real intimacy between the couples; pleasure, laughter, adoring looks, pure sexual abandon and bliss. See www.sexnotporn.com for more on this.

May you enjoy what you do, lovers, inside and outside of the bedroom. Intimacy is the greatest magic we have on this planet and the greatest avenue for self growth and epic connection and joy. Let’s keep it real and let’s play!